ZOMBIE CHOW

An Update…

2011-04-14T20:26:19Z

It’s been forever since I’ve blogged here or done much promo at all for my adult stuff, but something’s come up that I have to share!

The Brazilian cover of Happy Hour of the Damned!!!

Now, the image is familiar to anyone that follows me, and that’s how it ended up on my Brazilian editor’s radar. I was really excited last year when she asked about it, interested in incorporating it into the cover. And now here it is.

I’m not going to lie. While I love this cover with the heat of a thousand suns, it saddens me to think that had the covers of the American books been as true to the nature of Amanda’s story, we might be discussing the fourth book today. Ah well. Things change and luckily, I’ve learned to be flexible, as this little video suggests…

Originally published at Mark Henry. You can comment here or there.

Signing in Denver!

2011-02-04T20:20:10Z

I have a patron, it seems, in Mr. Mario Acevedo, who has graciously arranged a miniature tour in Denver for my broke ass! And when I say tour, I mean, he’ll be like my handler and shit, because I have no clue what he has in store for me, I’m just along for the ride. I’ll be flying out of this wet hole next Friday the 11th and setting up shop on that first night at the Broadway Book Mall (200 S. Broadway, Denver). So plan on showing up around 7 PM for horribly inappropriate reading and personalized smuttage in each and every book.

Then!!!

The very next night from 6 – 9 PM at the Art Salon (2219 E. 21st Avenue, Denver) I’m taking part in this…

February 12th from 6-9pm

SCORNED LOVERS: Tarot Cards, Love Potions, and Voodoo Dolls.

The Art Salon is proud to present a fun filled evening of vibrant art dealing with love, loss, and what we do when we are in the midst of these things. Our salon will be home to a 9 foot tall voodoo doll that you can pin your own spell to, as well as an erotic reading from Mark Henry published author of the Amanda Feral zombie novels. While our theme is a bit salty, the mood at the salon is always upbeat and sweet. So grab a friend, a loved-one and an art lover and join us for some art, culture, and fun. See You There.

Originally published at Mark Henry. You can comment here or there.

Road Trip of the Lagging Dead

2011-02-01T15:24:43Z

With the reissue of Road Trip of the Living Dead today, you’d think I’d be super excited, frantically checking Amazon rankings, guest blogging everywhere. But no. I’m not doing that. In fact, this is the only post I’ll be doing on the subject. The reason? I don’t think it’s effective. Or rather, it certainly wasn’t effective the first time when I barraged the internet with promo. It’s a bittersweet day for me, I’m still reeling from our oldest dog dying this weekend, my uncle passed away two weeks ago. It’s been a shit year full of economic hardship and worry and yet, my favorite thing that I’ve written is making its debut as an affordable mass market paperback today. Favorites don’t always do well, though, just look at Charlie Sheen (poor Martin) and this was the book that ultimately killed the series with…well the numbers are so low, I can’t even bring myself to type them. All that maudlin shit said, if you’re looking for an over-the-top read that mocks as well as homages the urban fantasy genre and is good for a whole crapload of inappropriate laughs, give it a try.

What you’ll get:

• Skinheads getting massacred.

• Filthy RV sex.

• Inappropriate VC Andrews jokes

• Homeless guys eating fishhooks

• Bizarre religious cults

• Mysterious dildos

* Vampires trapped in toilets

• Zombie bitches talkin’ shit!

Just sayin’.

Amazon • Kindle • Barnes & Noble • Nook • Indiebound

Originally published at Mark Henry. You can comment here or there.

Seafoam News!!!

2011-01-21T15:39:56Z

My short story about a foot fetishist who obsesses over the wrong foot is in print! Descended from Darkness: Vol 2 is available now! Here’s some specs…

Contains the following dark SF stories published in Apex Magazine from July 1, 2009 through June 30th, 2010:

“She Called Me Sweetie”–Glenn Lewis Gillette
“…That Has Such People in It”–Jennifer Pelland
“Pimp My Airshiip”–Maurice Broaddus
“Kenny 149″–Brad Becraft
“Advertising at the End of the World”–Keffy R.M. Kehrli
“Fungal Gardens”–Ekaterina Sedia
“Ghost Technology from the Sun”–Paul Jessup
“A Poor Man’s Roses”–Alethea Kontis
“To Dream of Stars: An Astronomer’s Lament”–Peter M. Ball
“Benjamin Schneider’s Little Greys”–Nir Yaniv
“After the Fire”–Aliette de Bodard
“Overclocking”–James L. Sutter
“59 Beads”–Rochita Loenen-Ruiz
“Wondrous Days”–Genevieve Valentine
“White Christmas”–James F. Reilly
“The Lady or the Tiger”–J.M. McDermott
“p.a. chic”–Tobias Amadon Bengelsdorf
“Beyond the Garden Close”–Mary Robinette Kowal
“The Bride Replete”–Mary Robinette Kowal
“Dying with Her Cheer Pants On”–Seanan McGuire
“Seafoam”–Mark Henry
“The Last Stand of the Ant Maker”–Paul Jessup
“City of Refuge”–Jerry L. Gordon
“Sol Asleep”–Naomi Labicki
“Laika’s Dream”–Holly Hight
“Artifact”–Peter Atwood
“Schrodinger’s Pussy”–Terra Lemay

About the Editor:

Jason Sizemore is the owner and operator of Apex Publications. He also writes and edits, earning a Bram Stoker Award nomination for his first book, Aegri Somnia. He’s seen over thirty short stories published and four anthologies. He maintains a website at www.jason-sizemore.com.

Buy it here…
Amazon B&N

Originally published at Mark Henry. You can comment here or there.

Big Amanda News!!!

2011-01-05T20:34:13Z

Finally! I can let y’all in on the super sekrit news from last summer. I’ve recently inked a deal with the Dabel Bros., the guys behind such stuff as this…

And what, you ask, will this deal entail? Why AMANDA FERAL chewing up some pages, motherfuckers! ROAD TRIP OF THE LIVING DEAD is going to be the framework for a comic book series, culminating in a graphic novel bind-up. No other news just yet, other than I’ve agreed to script and we’ll be looking for artists soon (I hope). I couldn’t be more excited and the timing is great as the mass-market paperback of Road Trip is about to hit the shelves.

I’m equally excited for the possibility of people giving Road Trip a chance, it’s my favorite of the three books and by far the least known. They tweaked the cover a bit and the high gloss they put on it really makes it awesome!

Here’s a couple of places you can preorder the mmpb…

Barnes and Noble
Amazon

This has been a long time coming and I can’t wait to get back into Amanda’s head for some extra stuff not found in the book. I hope these guys know what they’ve gotten themselves into. I don’t think I can tame the filth. IT CAN’T BE TAMED!!!

And in the meantime, be sure to download STOCKING FULL OF COAL, an erotic short story written by none other than Amanda Feral, herself. Don’t be shy, it doesn’t bite…it punches!

Originally published at Mark Henry. You can comment here or there.

It’s Christmastime, There’s No Need to Be Afraid…Or Is There?

2010-12-24T17:07:52Z

Haven’t updated in a while and couldn’t think of a better reason to get back to it than to wish everyone that celebrates it a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

While I’ve been quiet, I’ve been working on tons of stuff for y’all. One such “stuff” is my first erotic short story under my “Amanda Feral” pseudonym (or is it the other way around?). It’s called Stocking Full of Coal and it’s available for download on all platforms from Ellora’s Cave. If you love Amanda’s voice you’ll dig this short about bruisesluts, acceptance, hot sex and Christmas. No seriously. It’s a Christmas tale.

I had hoped to announce another awesome tidbit about Amanda this year, but it doesn’t look like I’ll have the okay. I can say that I’ve signed a contract to do something very different with Amanda (Yes, even more different than the dirty prons). My young adult book is almost ready. Jim, my agent, has been putting me through my paces on the revision front, so Velveteen is becoming a much better book than I’d ever imagined it could be. Cross your fingers for a quick sale in the new year!

As always, follow me on twitter for daily stuff and updates and crap!

Originally published at Mark Henry. You can comment here or there.

Amanda Feral, Best UF Protagonist…WTF?

2010-11-02T16:52:58Z

It looks like at the very least, the reviewers of RT Book Reviews magazine love my irascible scamp (read: promiscuous, politically incorrect, and down right nasty zombie bitch). Seriously! I have a picture to prove that she’s been nominated for an award. FOR REALZ! I can’t even begin to tell you how much I peed myself when I found out. Sure it’s bittersweet, but isn’t everything when it comes to Amanda?

Huge congratulations go out to my friends who were also nominated, including Michele Bardsley, Dakota Cassidy, Carolyn Crane, Lauren Dane, Molly Harper, Megan Hart and Jeanne Stein!

Originally published at Mark Henry. You can comment here or there.

It Was a Dark and Stormy Peeler

2010-08-09T19:10:01Z

Dr. Nicole Peeler stormed into Seattle last week for a wedding and touristing and so we checked out some local color and ate way too much AND treated a well attended Ravenna Third Place Books crowd to mucho dirtiness (yes, there may have been a public erotic reading).

Sunday I took the Doctor on a tour of infamous Tacoma landmarks including the Bull’s Eye gun shop home of the weaponry used in the DC Sniper attacks, our lovely Hilltop area and Bob’s Java Jive, a huge coffee pot which is actually a bar. We used to hang out there on Friday nights to watch the owner’s “presumably autistic” son play piano. Or maybe I’m just remembering it all through Pabst Blue Ribbon brain.

On Tuesday, we did Marination Mobile, which is the most amazing food truck in the country (Hawaiian/Korean/Mexican fusion). Spam sliders and spicy pork tacos were consumed with finger sucking abandon. Then it was off for some knuckle riding!

On the Fremont Troll! That’s Nicole’s friend Dr. Ruth up on the troll’s shoulder and yes, that’s a fullsize Volkswagen bug in the hand not wearing Nicole’s poon as a bandaid. Did the usual shopping and slurping down ice cream and hanging at Kat Richardson’s boat (also prowling of yachts might have happened, I’m not saying it did, I’m just making conversation). Then we met up with Richelle Mead for Happy Hour and nachos and such before Kat’s reading (in support of her new release, Labyrinth–go pick it up), which was awesome. We afterpartied at a little bar down the street and had this huge room to ourselves. The foulness that was discussed would burn holes in people’s brains, but that’s pretty par for the course.

The next day, Nicole and I did our author event. There we are now, cracking ourselves up. And before you start, yes, we realize we’re completely juvenile peeing ourselves over dirty words and stuff. But if that’s wrong, we don’t wanna be right!

After the reading, we went to this place called Pies and Pints. I had neither, though our friend (and internet stalwart) Synde had the most amazing mac ‘n cheese EVAH with so much bacon you could smell the pigginess!

Good times.

But afterward, it was back to work on my adult proposal which is coming together finally. I’m finally pulling the outline together which is helping in finishing the sample chapters. But the stress is still there and I’m at that point in the author life-cycle where I’m nearly back to aspiring. But them’s the ropes. Wish me quick sales or a back alley Doc who won’t mind prescribing me some Valium.

That big news I mentioned a while back is still in a holding pattern until we get a contract in our hands and by our I mean my agent’s so, I probably jumped the gun in mentioning it and drawing out the mystery, ugh. Suffice it to say, it’s something I’m totally excited about still. Among other things. More about all that later.

Well, I think that’s it for an update on my side. What’s up with all of you?

Originally published at Mark Henry. You can comment here or there.

Two Big Ha-Yuge Events!!!

2010-08-02T17:04:01Z

Tomorrow I’ll be heading up to Seattle to hang with Nicole Peeler and the rest of the Team Seattle crew as we help usher in Kat Richardson’s newest baby book, Labyrinth!

Bet there: 7:00 at University Bookstore!

I’ve been told there’ll be drankin’ and chattering and such, so can’t wait.

Then on Wednesday, August 4th!!!!

Nicole and I will be plopping our filthy asses down at Third Place for Books in Ravenna to read smut, talk shit and sign stuff. 7:00 sharp. Be there!

Originally published at Mark Henry. You can comment here or there.

S’Okay…

2010-07-30T22:09:35Z

…here’s some shit that nearly killed me today.

1. Nick Kroll is freakin’ hilarious. From Fabrice Fabrice to the Ed Hardy Boyz, you gotta check him out. Here’s some stand up that made me cry like a funeral home full of grass pollen.

Nick Kroll Standup on Jimmy Kimmel Live – watch more funny videos

2. Antoine!

I’m pretty sure this one is self-explanatory. Antoine needs to replace Katie Couric as a National News Anchor.

Thoughts?

Originally published at Mark Henry. You can comment here or there.

What I’m Reading/Chatting About…

2010-07-26T18:37:51Z

First up!

Tonight I’ll be taking part in the Kiss Me Deadly chat for the release of that YA paranormal romance anthology. If you look for me there, I’ll be Danny Marks, so don’t go calling me Mark or nothin’ cuz I’ll be like “Who?” I guess what I’m saying is don’t bring all the young adult readers over here to the darkness too soon, their parents will be pissed. Anyways, if you’re into chatting, and I know many of you are, I’ll be there with the likes of Trisha Telep (editor), Becca Fitzpatrick (Hush Hush), Sarah Rees Brennan (The Demon’s Covenant), Michelle Zink (Prophecy of the Sisters), Rachel Vincent (My Soul to Keep), and Karen Mahoney (The Iron Witch) possibly, she’s sick so she’s hoping she’ll make it. Here’s the link to that!

Awesome YA Chatting with Chatty Chattertons!

In addition…Surprise! I vlogged about reading and shit!

So seriously! What you reading?

Originally published at Mark Henry. You can comment here or there.

A Bitter Update

2010-07-14T20:39:37Z

Well, it looks like my conference attendance for the year has come to a close. While everyone I know (who write and are big geeks) hams it up in Atlanta and/or San Diego. I’ll be cursing them from my spot at the kitchen table, or Starbucks or the odd library carrel.

It seems conference attendance requires money (unless your books are selling like snuggies) and I’m firmly in the eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches stage of my career. So if you want to hang out and meet up and get books signed and stuff, your best bet is coming up on August 4th.

It seems a certain writer of selkie pr0n is popping on up to the Emerald City to wreak seal-like havoc (basking, undoubtedly). Nicole Peeler, author of the Jane True series of urban fantasy novels (Tempest Rising, Tracking the Tempest, Tapping the Tempest’s Ass), seen here preparing my barium enema. We’ll be setting up shop at Third Place Books in Seattle’s Ravenna neighborhood at 7 PM. So save the date and bring us pressies! Cuz we’ll be bringing you the gift of inappropriate readings and genital cupping. Maybe.

Now, that said, how many of y’all bitches are going to DragonCon and ComicCon?

Originally published at Mark Henry. You can comment here or there.

Some Things, Others

2010-06-29T22:55:16Z

So I just finished listening to Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut. I’d been at it all week. If you’ve never read/heard Vonnegut, get thee to a bookstore/library/nunnery. There’s something about the way he constructs story that really gets me going, activates those gray cells in the weirdest ways. But beyond that, the reading job Ethan Hawke did for the audio was mesmerizing. Seriously. Get it. See if I’m wrong.

You know who doesn’t have a soothing, mesmerizing voice? Snooki…

That shit there has had me saying “what the frig” all damn week!

I wanted to check in and bring y’all up to date on a couple of things before I sell you a couple of books. We’re about a month away from the release of Kiss Me Deadly: 13 Tales of Paranormal Love, which features my Daniel Marks short Vermillion. But you can listen to the book now. I downloaded the audiobook at Audible.com and found that I couldn’t stand to listen to someone else read my stuff. It just doesn’t sound right to me. At. All. I’m sure it’s fine for fresh ears, but mine are tainted by already having assigned tone and cadence to the various characters with speaking parts.

Jen Lancaster lists Road Trip of the Living Dead as one of her picks for her Summer Reading List! Jen is fantastic and hilarious and you need to go grab all her books as soon as you can. Pal Jackie Kessler is releasing the last Hell on Earth book, Hell To Pay as a serialized novel on her site. Chapter Six is up today! I took part in a fun Vampire Interview over at Flames Rising.

Now…

A great big Happy Book Birthday to Nicole Peeler and Adrian Phoenix!

I met Adrian at Norwescon this year, and I can’t say enough good things about her. Super nice and talented. Was lucky enough to hear her read the first chapter of Black Dust Mambo and was hooked. I can’t wait to go pick up this book!

Nicole is a good friend, so keep that in mind as I pimp her out hard. I’ve not read Tracking the Tempest but I expect it’ll be more fun Selkie shiz! I know Nicole is only going to get better and better with each successive Jane True book so run to the store or wherever and pick it up/download it.

Originally published at Mark Henry. You can comment here or there.

Crypticon and Horror and Such

2010-06-21T19:21:25Z

Had a great time at Crypticon Seattle this past Saturday, despite only being able to go for a short time (sorry if I missed anyone). To explain, we have a yearly garage sale, that’s become a big family thing and I accepted the invitation at Crypticon prior to our city declaring a date for the citywide deal, that combined with Father’s Day swept the weekend and the con up in a perfect storm of bad timing.

I was happy I got to hang, albeit briefly, with S.G. Browne and read him unedited shit–because for a while he was the only person at my reading. It was a bit weird to read from Flaming Creatures since it’s still evolving, but I wasn’t unhappy with the chapter and reading it aloud gave me tons of ideas for making it richer and more textured (which is to say, more vulgar and piss-stained). Also met Robert Elrod, who does these really awesome Monster portraits, like the one Caroline had done for Christmas. Robert was fantastic and gave me this awesome original piece…which I foolishly mistook for the gravedigger in Salem’s Lot instead of American Werewolf in London.

Thought it was interesting that people on the zombie panel thought that the original Dawn of the Dead would hold up and draw the current youth of America into the genre. At an earlier panel, a 13-year old expressed that he loved horror as a result of the Nightmare on Elm Street remake. When asked about the original, he said it was laughable. The effects were very important to him. Now, don’t get me wrong, I LOVED the original DAWN, but I ask, does it hold up for a generation reared on frenetic video game play and realism on film?

I went through stills to try and make my point and found these two.

Now. Both have their faults. The first is the remake, clearly. And while at first glance, the make-up seems well done, the running zombies apparently don’t rot on their bellies. Likewise, in the 70s only heads turned blue and not hands. Seriously, though. If the kid laughed, and not in a this-is-hilarious-camp kind of way, at Elm Street, is he likely to be won over by Romero’s blue zombies? Doubtful.

Along that line, though. Night of the Living Dead holds up tremendously due to the black and white film. Very forgiving. It makes me think that when I’m out and about and come across someone who’s colorblind, I might actually be totally hot in their eyes.

What? It could happen.

Originally published at Mark Henry. You can comment here or there.

My Brain is Swimming with Earworms

2010-06-11T17:53:41Z

Haven’t done this for awhile so here’s some videos to accompany your dwindling Friday work drudge!

I’m loving White Lies. Thoughts?

And for all your running with wolves needs…

And who could live without the new Interpol?

Or The Smiths?

That’s enough. Lord knows there’re more. God help me.

What are y’all listening to?

Originally published at Mark Henry. You can comment here or there.

Your Reading Assignments

2010-05-25T15:04:43Z

It’s been a while since I’ve pimped out a book anywhere other than Twitter/Facebook. What can I say? Busy trying to salvage a career here. I really don’t want to sling fries with the pimple set. Ever. So I come out of my manuscript cloud (picture letters and crumpled paper flying around the room like a monkey flings its own crap), to talk about a book and a series that I REALLY love.

I’m talking about Stacia Kane’s UNHOLY GHOSTS.

Stace and I met, like so many authors, online and hit it off, probably because we’re both very, very wrong. She and I were founding members of the League of Reluctant Adults–way back when there were just five of us–and started beta reading each other’s shit. Which brings me back to UNHOLY GHOSTS. I’ve had the chance to read all three of the books in the series (the other two are UNHOLY MAGIC and CITY OF GHOSTS) and I’m here to tell you, this is groundbreaking stuff.

Now, I’m not a HUGE fan of urban fantasy. Primarily because what I’ve read seems to be inspired by the genre itself and the heroes/heroines aren’t surprising at this point. What it takes to catch my interest is realistic characters. And that’s not to say what’s realistic for a TYPICAL hero or heroine of this genre, but what’s realistic for human beings. Stace’s character Cesaria (Chess) Putnam is damaged; she’s drug addicted; she lives in a dystopian world of systemic grief, where the majority of the population has been extinguished by an uprising of ghosts; a world where God does not exist. That’s all I’ll give away about the book and its premise. I’ve seen some reviews where Chess’s drug abuse was the breaking point for the reader, I love her for the complexity of her crutch. The necessity of it is masterful worldbuilding. And Stace’s protagonist is the perfect creation to explore the dark boundaries of heroism. I was in love from the first chapter.

Seriously, pick it up today!

*******

Another League of Reluctant Adults member, Jackie Kessler, is serializing HELL TO PAY, the last book in her fantastically saucy succubus series on her website. That means every week you can get your Jezebel fix, what could be more awesome. Plus, it’s free. What? Seriously? Spike up here!

********

Yet another Leaguer, Michelle Rowen’s new Demon Princess book, REIGN CHECK is out today. You’ll be needing that one in your bag. You just will.

********

Great news for two other Leaguers. Richelle Mead’s SPIRIT BOUND is #1 on the USA Today Bestseller list!!! Huge news because the USA Today list lumps all genres together. That’s a buttload of sales y’all. Our glowing ray of sunshine, Michelle Rowen sold the next book in her Living in Eden paranormal romance series. This one’s called THAT OLD BLACK MAGIC. Congrats ladies!

Originally published at Mark Henry. You can comment here or there.

The Return of the Living RT Monster Blog!!!

2010-05-06T17:09:26Z

For those of you not in the know, the Romantic Times Booklover’s Convention is a near week-long immersion course in the language of erotica, drunken debauchery and high camp. Well, maybe that’s just what I go for and seek to create. Others, more sedate others, might just see it as an opportunity to chat with friends, attend seminars and connect with readers to talk about books. I love all that too, I just like to inject the naughty wherever I can. I think you understand.

Last Tuesday, six sleep-deprived authors (Lauren Dane, Kat Richardson, Richelle Mead, Shelli Stevens and TJ Michaels) shambled onto a plane bound for Columbus, OH. None of us had ever been, nor ever thought we’d visit this midwestern capital, yet seven hours later, we were there, rushing like a line of gerbils up Richard Gere’s ass to catch a shuttle to the hotel.

A shuttle driven by the crankiest driver in all of Ohio. I’m not exaggerating. This guy was in such a hurry, he played the “What about the children card.” Apparently he had a temp job driving a bus for the school district. I’m fairly certain, after a long day of traveling, that we took precedence. Too bad kids!

What happened once we got to the Hyatt Regency was kind of a blur so I’ll bullet point this bitch for you…

• The Erotic-ness of the Ellora’s Cave Party NOW WITH VIDEO!!!

The undisputed opening salvo of crazy is the Ellora’s Cave Party. This RT’s happened on Wednesday night and played out against a backdrop of deformed crepe paper lobster claws. The video was shot by Jaye Wells and features yours truly making defamatory remarks…of course.

• Char Bar!!!

After a hard day of speaking on panels aka making up shit on the spot, it’s time for some hard drinking and brawling. Jeanne gave Mario his just desserts over at our regular spot away from the hotel: Char Bar. It’s the kind of dive where the drinks are cheap and the bathrooms smell like nursing home mattresses, so we were right at home. By the way, the mystery writers are no amateurs when it comes to drinkin’. They were draining bottles and dancing. There may have been singing but I tried to block that out as much as possible, I am pretty sure the sound of Brad Sinor’s serenade causes cancer. I could be wrong.

• Columbus, OH

Okay, so I don’t have any pictures of North Market, which is totally a mecca to foodie foodiness, but let me just say, after two straight days of nothing but American food, I was about to lose my shit. I’m used to eating primarily ethnic cuisines, cuz I can. Or at the very least fusion stuff. So Max & Ermas wasn’t cutting it. In fact, the whole area around the massive conference center was a bit of a shock. Fun bars, good food and not a panhandler in sight, it was like Oz for alcoholics and fatties.

• The Book Fair

One of the huge events at RT is the Giant Saturday book fair. If 350 authors kickin’ it with fans and signing books is wrong, I don’t wanna be right. There were so many big authors there, that people go tickets for different lines and were called in shifts to get in line for the likes of JR Ward, Charlaine Harris and, our very own, Richelle Mead! Rachel Herron (How to Knit a Love Story) and I took a moment to take a blurry picture and plot the end of the world (also a dirty website–forthcoming).

• Panels and Shit

Yeah. There were some of those.

• Zombie Coochcakes!

Seriously. Zombie Joe’s wife, Robin, made some bad ass cupcakes for a few of us twitter authors. Mine were oh-so-lovely replicas of Amanda and Wendy’s snootches, complete with toasted coconut pubes and a mini-twix bar shoved inside like a magic bullet. Spoiled! That’s me.

• The Mangeant

There’s always some sort of controversy arising from the Cover Model Competition (Mangeant) but seriously it’s the pinnacle of camp and crazy at RT. There are those who complain that the whole convention is oversexualized and want it to be more professional, like RWA, presumably. The day that happens is the day the convention’s attendance plummets. You know what else plummets? My interest. If you can’t have fun at an RT convention, then what’s the point. In fact, this year was much less crazy than the previous two, so if people are still complaining, I suggest they stay home and plan their next Junior League luncheon. Now. Some specifics. You see those lights in the darkness down there? That’s the twitter effect. The entire audience looks like that. 500 people snarking, it’s a beautiful thing. The other shot is, of course, Jocelyn Drake and I practicing giving face.

And now, for the most magical picture of that evening: my agent, Jim, reacting to nuclear meltdown levels of camp…

Precious!

• UDF and NOT IBS

Con-buddy Crissy Brashear (Samhain Publishing) wrangled Heather, Richelle and I for “Malts after Midnight” at UDF (United Dairy Farmers) which is, apparently, a run to a 7-11 type convenience store. Hidden inside is Mecca for Malts. Hand-scooped, hand blended, magnificent. I’m a convert. Though, I gotta say if you’re looking for a scoop, you should definitely hit Jeni’s at North Market. The Salty Caramel is insane.

• Fairy Ball

Leaguers Richelle and Stace were on the Faery Court this year, which sounds like an opportunity to really make fun of them mercilessly, but the costumes and dinner were actually quite good (for con food) and we had a great time, despite some obvious fuckery perpetrated by the dueling hosts of the event. I never trust those applause-o-meters but when judged by straggly-haired Whitesnake impersonators, its cred drops down the toilet. But it was the only night where anyone really dressed up (as you can see from the always lovely Caitlin and Heather–check out those zebra eyelids!)

• Impromptu Rock Band Party

Wednesday night was a whirlwind, after the Faery Ball we headed up to Dakota and Terri’s room for mayhem and the birthing of The Creepy Doll. Yes. I said birthing. Things got a little crazy as you can see, but, being true reluctant adults, not a one of us was ashamed when security came to shut down the party. Like a badge of honor bitches!

• The League of Reluctant Adults

On the last night of the con, Michele Bardsley and her faithful handyman, Zombie Joe, busted out the most awesome suite party ever! There was free hooch, cupcakes, Rock Band, Tim Tams (I’m not sure what all the fuss is about) and erotica. Yes. We got erotic up in that bitch. Readings are a given at any League get-together and as you can imagine, only the foulest fluid drenched material measures up to our high/low standards. There were also presents, but I’ll get to those in a minute. You may want to empty your bowels before then.

• My Friends Aren’t Right. Not At All

Yeah, so I get to the suite on Saturday and first thing I’m assailed by Michele Bardsley, Dakota Cassidy, Renee George and Terri Smythe. It seems they found the sex shops in Columbus and couldn’t resist scouring the bargain bins for filth. Thus…

Yeah. That’s right. Don’t even ask me what I had to do to get that nastiness home. The funny thing is, those silicone fetish feet were regularly $50. No joke and heavy as hell. I’m frankly afraid of the DVD. Mortified. I think I’m going to need to have a party to watch it.

So that’s it. Other than that we had a shitty first leg of our trip back and ended up stuck on the tarmac like illegal immigrants, and missed our connection. Luckily, Richelle had a card to get us in the Red Carpet Club so we could booze away our pain and suffering! Remember that next year’s RT is in LA and that’s for sure going to be crazy so start saving your pennies!!!

Thoughts?

Originally published at Mark Henry. You can comment here or there.

Romantic Times Are Nearly Upon Us…

2010-04-23T18:29:01Z

And you know what that means…travelogue!

But first, an apology. I must say I’ve been depressed on the writing front for quite a while and it’s sapped my creativity in terms of blogging for y’all. I’m nearing the end of a really decent revision on my first novel as Daniel Marks and have my agent and YA authoress Tiffany Trent to thank for pointing me in the right direction this time. I have no word about any future Amanda Feral novels, but I’m certainly thankful for fan’s continued interest in the series. As for now, as soon as I get this YA ready to go on submission, y’all can expect that I’m getting back to the work that you know me for, dark over-the-top paranormal comedy. The ideas for a new series have been brewing for long enough and I’m jumping in next month like a drunk into a bar fight.

But next week is all about the Romantic Times Convention in Columbus and I’ll be there, as per usual. And you can expect blogging, if not vlogging the following week. Here’s a rundown of the panels and other events where you can track me down…

Tuesday, April 27

8:00 PM – Pass Out Twitter Meet-up at the Hyatt Bar

Wednesday, April 28

3:45 PM - 4:45 PM

SOCIAL MEDIA: THE ONLINE AUTHOR PERSONA: HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS, INFLUENCE PEOPLE & AVIOD TRAIN WRECKS</p>

WEDNESDAY: The Internet offers many opportunities for authors to interact with readers, network with industry professionals and promote effectively. On the flip side, all that freedom brings opportunities to make mistakes that can tarnish a reputation for years. Come listen to strategies and advice from authors who’ve made the Internet work for them and learn how to avoid cyber-disasters.
Panelists: Ann Aguirre, Lauren Dane, Sylvia Day aka S.J. Day, Mark Henry

Thursday, April 29

11:00 AM – 12:00 PM League of Reluctant Adults @ Club RT (Snark Passport Launch)

Friday, April 30

10:00 AM - 11:00 AM

CRAFT: WHY BAD CAN BE SO GOOD: HOW TO WRITE DELICIOUSLY EVIL VILLAINS

FRIDAY: The hero may always win but the villain has more fun. Villains get to break the rules. They don’t have to play nice. Lying, blackmail, kidnapping, torture, murder, illicit sex … a villain forces your hero into the dark places we’re supposed to shun, and readers can’t wait to go along for the ride. We’ll discuss our favorite bad guys and girls, and the motivations for their amoral behavior. Learn how to give readers what they want, a wicked guilty pleasure.
Panelists: Mario Acevedo, Juliet Blackwell aka Hailey Lind, Mark Henry, Diana Rowland, Jeanne C. Stein

11:15 AM - 12:15 PM

SOCIAL MEDIA: A CYBERSPACE ODYSSEY

FRIDAY: Do you blog? Podcast? Well, why not? Learn how you can use multimedia effectively for author promotion.
Panelists: Mark Henry, Liz Maverick

2:45 PM - 3:45 PM

STEAMPUNK: STEAMY STEAMPUNK

FRIDAY: Steampunk’s getting a lot of buzz lately, but what is it exactly? Alternate history? Cutting-edge sci-fi? A gorgeous fashion movement? It’s all of those things! Come get your questions answered as authors working in this hot and growing fantasy genre explain its many dimensions, from the dark and gritty to the beautiful and romantic.
Panelists: Nathalie Gray, Stacia Kane, Caitlin Kittredge, Liz Maverick, Kat Richardson
Moderator: Mark Henry

Saturday

11:00 AM - 2:00 PM

SIGNING AT BOOK FAIR

SATURDAY: Where can you meet your favorite authors, get your pic taken with them or a cover model, or get a sneak preview to what’s coming out in the wonderful world of women’s fiction? At the one and only RT Booklovers Convention Book Fair! Over 300 authors will autograph books, posters and bookmarks, and you can bring your favorite “keeper” books to have your fav author sign them!! We suggest for those bringing collectibles, you have them clearly labeled, so as not to mistake them for new books!

That ought to do it. Except. I’m listed on another panel for Friday at 11:15 about social marketing and blogging and such, but I’ve never been contacted about it. Think it might be a mistake. Anyways, expect mine and everyone else’s Twitter accounts to explode next week. The hashtag is #rt2010!

One more thing…

I figured I’d help this cause as I am a favorite snack of mosquitos, worldwide!

Rosemary Clement-Moore, author of the “Maggie Quinn: Girl vs. Evil” series, is running a contest/fundraiser to fight malaria by supporting the “Nothing but Nets” UN initiative to provide mosquito netting to communities in Africa. She’s asked her readers to ask their favorite authors to tweet, blog, or otherwise promote the contest. All of you either blog or tweet (and some of you do both); if you feel so inclined, would you please post a link to her contest? It’s here: http://readrosemary.blogspot.com/2010/04/mosquitoes-suck-contest.html.

(If you tweet, please post @rclementmoore — and, if you don’t mind, @alanajoli, so she can see that you tweeted!)

Originally published at Mark Henry. You can comment here or there.

Just One Thing…

2010-04-15T23:45:28Z

I’m going to be at University Books in Seattle tonight for the Close Encounters of the Urban Kind thing along with editor Jennifer Brozek, Nate Crowder, Rosemary Jones & Erik Scott de Bie. I should be reading from my short story, SEAFOAM, that appears in this month’s Apex (if you haven’t read it, click here).

The show starts at 7PM and goes until I overturn the signing table and storm out in a huff.

Originally published at Mark Henry. You can comment here or there.

Catching Up with Depeche Mode!

2010-03-30T18:09:53Z

…or just, you know, me. And other peeps!

Though, while we’re on the topic of what’s current in fashion (see what I did there?) let’s talk about my friend Synde’s new jewelry line, under the design name: CEMETERY CAT. She’s trying out some Chthulu and steampunky shiz that really is hot snatch. Check it out here and then buy ’til your genre wallet is empty (food is overrated, after all), and tell her it’s because of me, ’cause daddy’s poor and needs a kickback like a motherfucker!

So it’s release day and that doesn’t just mean we’re all going to gasm (that can be done on your own time, thank you). What it means is I’ll be clueing you in on some hawt reads. Grab a pen and paper.

First up on the auction block is pal, Mario Acevedo. This world renowned d-bag has “written” another tale in his Felix Gomez vampire series, WEREWOLF SMACKDOWN, which, I’ll have you know was not the original title. I’m privy to that info and don’t mind sharing it here. The Werewolf Super SEX Club. Why? Publishers? Why must you strip away the pleasures? Anyway, the book came out recently and you should hustle down to your local bookstore and snag that bad boy before someone uses it as toilet paper. A book is a terrible thing to waste…or use to sop up waste.

Next up, infamous bad girl Carolyn Crane. I hear her book, MIND GAMES, is a thinly veiled autobiography. That she’s homebound is no secret. She toils at her computer, is chained to it by anxiety and does, in fact, enjoy the delights of Mongolian Beef (and no, that’s not a porny slur about Chinese weiner, though Carolyn does have a past, so…). So give Mind Games a shot, I’m sure it’s better than anything Mario could come up with.

Oh Gayle Ann Williams. I hardly know you and yet here I am pushing TSUNAMI BLUE like I was your freakin’ publicist. Is it the photos of Roche Harbor, you tease me with so relentlessly? Burgers consumed in full view of the world’s most scenic island inlet? You, ma’am are a dirty minx! And I’m sure your book is full of the same sort of treachery. Add this one to your pile folks. There’s no telling what Gayle will do to you if you don’t!

Richelle Mead’s new Georgina Kinkaid book hits shelves today. SUCCUBUS SHADOWS. Even the name sounds dirty. I for one can’t wait to see how John Cusack deals with the aftermath of 2012. Also, if you ever have a free afternoon, Richelle is offering Georgina tours of Seattle. See the infamous bookstore where Georgina met Seth. Witness ACTUAL succubi plying their carnal trade…or not. But pick up the book, it’s in trade so it makes a sexy smacking sound when you swat someone’s ass. Just sayin’. No need to pitch a fit.

The last new book is THE MAGE IN BLACK by my good friend (and nemesis) Jaye Wells. In this one, Giguhl and Sabina strike up a torrid cross-species affair. What’s that you say? Sexxorings? Yep. Mampires (mage/vampire mixedness) need just as much love as snarky hairless cat demons. Seriously, I got a look at this bad boy long ago and it was sooooo hot. And funny, I’ll give the bitch that. ALSO!!! You know who’ll be at my house later this afternoon? Jaye, herself. She’s agreed to come and do a private reading for me and my wife. She’s thoughtful like that…and smutty.

Actually…Jaye and I and our invalid traveling companion, Richelle Mead, are hitting the road for Portland to enthrall (horrify) an audience of fans (unsuspecting browsers) at Powell’s at Cedar Hills Crossing (Beaverton, OR) at 7:00 PM. We’ll be reading, goofing off and maybe giving away tater tots. Don’t miss it!

THEN!!! As if all that weren’t enough…it’s NORWESCON!!

There’ll be panels, signings, and even some late night porn read by yours truly. I’m bringing the dirty. Jaye and Jeanne Stein will be there and I hear Team Seattle will be up for BarCon, so come one, come all.

You know where else, Jeanne Stein will be? Hanging out at Chez Henry with Jaye. Watch for Twitter updates on Easter. I’m planning to terrorize them with a big brunch on the waterfront!

THEN, if that weren’t enough shit. On Monday, April 5th, 7 PM at the University Bookstore in Seattle. Jeanne, Jaye, myself and one Cory Doctorow, will be throwing a booksigning party. Be there or will judge you and we have a list of names. Yes we do.

PS. the above blurbs may contain actual lies.

Originally published at Mark Henry. You can comment here or there.

Loud Twitter

2010-03-27T15:44:19Z

So, I just ditched out on the whole Loud Twitter thing. I mean, really, I don’t read anyone else’s entries when their made up of lists from Twitter, why should you read mine?

So…I leave you with the very rare blog entry…or not.

Originally published at Mark Henry. You can comment here or there.

All the Blather That's Fit to Print (or blogging shmogging)

2010-03-27T15:06:46Z

Ever wonder what happened to Mark? Well...

Curious about our trip to NYC/DC? Here's a link to the photo album on Facebook, complete with crazy captions. bit.ly/a09uqf #
Oh Google Alerts, why do you depress me with your hits from torrent sites pirating my books? If only I'd sold as many as have been stolen. #
I'll be at Bitten by Books on Monday w/ a virtual reading from The Mage in Black. RSVP here tinyurl.com/yjpzrt4 (via @jayewells) #
RT @psynde: The Spirit Bound bracelet is up!! New Vampire Academy Designs!www.etsy.com/shop/psynde
PLZ RT #
Seriously. Someone should get this Chthulu bling right here---> bit.ly/aRUSw7 #
I'm outta here. Gotta shower and get some work done. Good weekend, y'all! #
And the prostate exam jokes continue. Kevin handed me this at Target. twitgoo.com/lz0h0 #
[New Post] Guest Blog: MARIO ACEVEDO - via @twitoaster bit.ly/aioQjj (via @NicolePeeler) #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

In Lieu of Actual Blogging…

2010-03-26T18:00:36Z

I’ve loaded a heavily captioned photo album from our NYC/DC trip on Facebook. With photos such as this one depicting me as our nation’s majestic unicorn.

Here’s the link…

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=198783&id=680349602

Swing by and leave a comment or two.

Originally published at Mark Henry. You can comment here or there.

All the Blather That's Fit to Print (or blogging shmogging)

2010-03-26T15:14:20Z

Ever wonder what happened to Mark? Well...

Ruined! LOL RT @WickedLPixie I'm guest blogging today @BookChickCity about @mark_henry & @antonstrout be warned. bit.ly/aQw1IX #
Dear Gays of Hollywood, You're getting lazy. Amanda Feral should be an icon by now. Signed, Judgy McJudgerson. #seriouslygetonit #
Looks like I'll be on the radio Monday night in the Portland area. Details to come. #
Mmm. The basmati rice is steaming and whatever was in that tupperware container is stinking up our microwave. Smells vaguely Indian. #
Watching Runway while my banana bread is baking. Mila should totally go tonight. #
I'd blog today if I didn't feel like it was a tree falling in the woods with no one there to see it. On that thought, just pretend I did. #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

All the Blather That's Fit to Print (or blogging shmogging)

2010-03-25T15:10:40Z

Ever wonder what happened to Mark? Well...

I'm sad that when people mention Precious, I no longer immediately think of Buffalo Bill's dog. #
OMG. I suck. Accidentally locked Linzey in my office all morning, while I ran errands. Ugh. #
Damn. This is amazing and beautiful. bit.ly/8fhGfQ #
RT @psynde: Love all things Lovecraft?? Then check out my new jewelry line of Beasts from the Deep..www.etsy.com/shop/psynde PLZ RT #
Today's Line O' Love: "She's totally DV. What do we do, exorcize her or book her on Oprah?" #
Waiting for Chris Moore to start. It's packed. Packed. #
Standing in line to get @jayewells copy of Bite Me signed. There's easily 100 people in front of me. And this is the priority line. #
Haven't moved yet.@caroline_henry is staring at me from across the room...also at Moore. We are both in danger. #
In line for ice cream. Tonight's all about lines, apparently. twitgoo.com/llcfd #
Good clean midweek fun with @psynde and @caroline_henry at the Chris Moore reading. And yet, somehow, there's no photographic evidence. #
Tried to watch Top Model before bed, but it was too late. I was instantly annoyed by their obvious triangulations. #upgradeyourdysfunctions #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter